In a world where polyamory, friends with benefits, and Tinder dating are
becoming more common, traditional ideas about monogamy are being increasingly
challenged and debated. But can you handle being in love with more than one
person simultaneously? How would you feel if your partner were in such a
situation? Reality TV star Antonia "Toya" Wright and writer Sophie
Saint Thomas, who were in a polyamorous relationship for years, share their
experiences and offer insights on what to consider before entering an open
relationship.
Open relationships come with their own set of challenges. For Saint Thomas,
the most difficult aspect wasn't the idea of her partner being intimate with
others, but rather dealing with the emotional sharing. "The hardest part
was the emotional sharing," she explains. "Ultimately, I struggled
with my partner having feelings for and dating other women. For me, it was more
challenging to handle the emotional availability than the sexual
availability."
Being in an open relationship can teach you how to manage jealousy. When
your partner is openly seeing others, jealousy is almost inevitable. Although
Saint Thomas is no longer in an open relationship, she has applied what she
learned about managing jealousy to her current monogamous relationship.
"I’ve become more confident in our relationship, and I've learned not to
let potential threats, like exes or attractive coworkers, cause unnecessary
stress," she says.
It’s crucial to ensure your relationship is strong before exploring
something new. "If you're considering an open relationship, make sure you
have a solid foundation with your current partner," advises Saint Thomas.
"You need to be able to communicate effectively. If it’s not working for
one person, it’s important to come to an agreement."
Being in an open relationship doesn’t mean cheating is occurring. In fact,
it's quite the opposite. "It’s not cheating in an open relationship,"
Saint Thomas notes. "That’s the benefit of it—everything is transparent
and consensual."
Ultimately, communication and honesty are key. "It would have been
easier if I had been honest with myself from the start," Saint Thomas
reflects. "So being truthful, both with your partner and yourself, is
crucial when navigating different relationship structures."
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